What does a psychotherapist do??

Check out this link to find out what I had to say to Videographer Adam with Dandelion (I recommend his services…and he’s a lovely guy too!):

What does a Psychotherapist do? with Suzanne Allies – dandelion.

It’s normal to feel worried about what to say to someone who is grieving, especially if they are very recently bereaved. However, what follows is some very simple guidance that, I hope, will allow you to be more confident to support and let the person know that you are there for them:

• Do:
  ✔ Acknowledge their pain — avoiding it hurts more.
  ✔ Listen and stay present.
  ✔ Say things like: “I’m so sorry. I’m here with you.” , “I don’t have the perfect words, but I’m here to support you.”
• ✔ Ask gentle check-ins:, “How are you sleeping?”, “Has this affected things like study, work, appetite, relationships?”

• ✔ Offer practical help.
  ✔ Ask about their support network (friends, family, GP, charities).
  ✔ Maintain confidentiality.
  ✔ Ask about their loved one — it’s often a comfort.
  ✔ Encourage continuing bonds and ways to honour the person who has died. 🌿

• Don’t:

✘ Try to fix it — there is no solution to loss.
✘ Say “You’ll heal in time,” “Don’t think about it,” “At least…,” or “You need to…”
✘ Make it about your own grief (unless it truly helps them feel understood).

If you’re worried about risk 🚨

If they say things like “I can’t do this,” “What’s the point?” “I just want it to end,” ask directly about suicide.
If they have a plan, time, or means → call 999 or help them get an urgent GP appointment.

Don’t push it, but if they ask about professional support, you might like to signpost them to the most appropriate local organisations or helplines: Some examples include:

• Cruse bereavement support: https://www.cruse.org.uk/ (you can search via your postcode to find the local Cruse contact details)

Their helpline is staffed by volunteers trained to offer emotional support for free. The helpline is available between 9:30am – 5pm on Mondays and Fridays, 9:30am – 8pm Tuesdays to Thursdays, and from 10am – 2pm on weekends.

For the Cruse Bereavement Care helpline call 0808 808 1677. Or you may like to try out their online Cruisechat if you feel more comfortable doing so: https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-support/

• The Good Grief Project: https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/ (uses ‘continuing bonds’ as central to the support).
• The Good Grief Trust: https://www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/

Many organisations offer specialist support according to the type of loss etc, e.g. The Compassionate Friends offers support for bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents: https://www.tcf.org.uk/

This NHS page shares more organisations that might be useful: https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death/bereavement-help-and-support

Most importantly, take care of yourself and do something nurturing after you’ve had a difficult conversation, especially as listening can be tiring and you could be negatively affected by hearing things that bring up your own experiences with loss.

On Tues 28^th Nov 2023 I decided to honour #techtimeouttuesday by not using any form of technology all day.  

Here are some of the activities I planned:  

* Hope I wake up at a decent time without an electronic alarm set! 😊

* A little light yoga and meditation (when I’m usually checking my emails).

* Have my muesli and cuppa sitting outside trying to soak up some Vit D.

* Networking on a dog walk with local business owners.

* I’m going to read a whole book during the afternoon.

* I’m going to write a letter to my best friend.

If you are stuck for ideas, please see my wellbeing activities blog (most of the activities don’t need technology): https://corementalhealth.co.uk/2023/10/30/wellbeing-activities/

I wonder how I’ll feel afterwards? I’ll report back.

Please comment below if you have ever tried this…and what ideas you had to use your time in a ‘different to normal’ way?

How I coped on #techtimeouttuesday : 

• I found it much harder than I had anticipated. 
• I realised how much I depend on my phone, e.g. to check the time, my emails, the weather reports, to send texts etc. 
• I missed watching television A LOT!

But, on a positive: 

• I read a whole book (to be fair it was a children’s book though):
• 
• I felt more relaxed and content…and less wired and stressed. Generally, I felt more calm and centred, and less distracted than normal. 

I recommend doing a technology detox, maybe once a month. That’s what I’m going to aim for…and I’m looking forward to the next one! 

What is burnout?

 

The World Health Organisation (WHO) define burnout as an occupational phenomenon and ‘a syndrome which is conceptualised as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed’.

Burnout can be a gradual process so may be hard to recognise as behaviour and feelings become habitual and unconscious. It affects different people in different ways but tends to present as someone feeling physically and emotionally ‘off’. It generally has 3 elements:

• Energy depletion or exhaustion like you’ve never felt before.
• Increased mental distance from one’s job or feelings of negativism or cynicism.
• Reduced professional efficacy.

Burnout can often happen when an intense workload is being balanced with other personal demands or non-work stresses. Managers may not be aware of the personal issues of their staff and so this can easily go undetected. We shouldn’t forget that managers need support in addressing their stress too.

The end point of burnout can often be numbness or a feeling of being frozen. This manifests as someone not being able to get out of bed one morning as their body has literally taken over and is saying ‘I can’t take this anymore’. It is crucial to recognise that you are experiencing burnout before you get to this stage, so along with the signs that demonstrate stress, mentioned in this blog, it may be useful to ask yourself the following questions to find out if you are experiencing burnout:

• Am I connected to work that’s important to me? Have I got things that I am excited about doing at the weekend, or am I too tired to do anything?
• Am I refreshed after sleep and excited about the day ahead?
• Am I switching off out of work or am I mentally churning over work issues?
• How are the quality of my relationships– am I isolating myself or constantly being irritated by people around me?
• Have I got Sunday night blues that go on for more than a couple of Sundays? (obviously everyone may feel this to a certain extent).

Things to do if you think you are close to/or in burnout:

• Start saying ‘no’ to things that cause you overwhelm and avoid things that don’t contribute to your feelings of purpose and meaning. I acknowledge that this may sound hard to do if you have a habit of people pleasing, but practise your reply to someone asking you something that feels too much, e.g. I’d like to help but I’m going to have to say no as I’ve got so much on at the moment. This will mean that you have a prepared response up you sleeve.
• Get plenty of rest and go on a holiday where you can completely switch off (easier said than done!)
• Contact your GP for advice or HR for guidance and support available at your workplace.
• Identify the sources of your stress and take a good look at everything expected of you each day. Ask yourself if you can eliminate or adjust anything causing you undue pressure (often with the help of colleagues) so that you can stay in work but with a different role or responsibility.
• Contact helpline services such as ‘SHOUT’ Crisis texting service- text the word SHOUT to 85258. You will be able to talk it through with a crisis volunteer and they can help you to think about what steps you can take to rebuild your health.
• Access the support of a therapist who will listen and give you time and space to reflect on everything in your life. Establishing more balance and time for yourself may be crucial.

I hope this blog has helped you. If you have any tips for what has aided you to maintain healthy stress levels or to avoid burnout, please comment below.

Why a blog about stress today?

It’s National Stress Awareness Day today: 2nd November 2023. Let’s take this opportunity to reflect on our stress levels.

What is stress?

Too much stress or ‘hyper-stress’ causes ‘distress’ which will impact very negatively on wellbeing. Similarly, not enough stress or ‘hypo-stress’ won’t be ideal either as this is caused by boredom or a lack of motivation.    

Finding a balance is therefore useful and this kind of optimum and beneficial level of stress is called ‘Eustress’ (which I think sounds like the name of a Disney Princess :)), and was coined by Canadian physician, Selye, in 1976.

Most of us can cope with short bursts of stress, but research shows that prolonged excessive stress is linked to mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression so it is important that you can recognise stress in yourselves (and others) so you can take action (or perhaps encourage support seeking in others).

Here are some common signs of stress to be mindful of:

Physical signs might include the following:-

• Constant tiredness.
• Frequent sickness or absence from work.
• Being run down and frequent minor illnesses.
• General aches and pains (such as back and shoulder tension).
• Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much.
• Weight loss or gain (food cravings).
• Lack of care over their appearance.
• Gastrointestinal disorders.
• Rashes/eczema.
• Headaches

Other signs might include the following:-

• Difficulty remembering things/Poor concentration (Now, where was I? 😊)
• Loss of confidence.
• Finding it difficult to make decisions
• Overreacting to things that others appear to manage.
• Unplanned absences.
• Arguments/conflicts with others- irritability, crying, shouting etc.
• No sense of humour.
• Increased errors and/or accidents.
• Taking on too much work and volunteering for everything.
• Being adamant that you are right.
• Working too many hours-first in, last out/emailing out of hours or while on holiday.
• Over-reliance on substances- alcohol, nicotine etc.
• Strained personal relationships
• Withdrawn manner.

Have a think about whether you might be stressed. Ask people in your life when (and where) you seem most stressed.

What to do about stress?

5 steps to take if you’re feeling stressed:

1. Recognise when your stress levels are higher than you’d like.
2. Try to identify the main stressors and change things if you can.
3. Check in with your body and mind regularly so that you can avoid stress from increasing.
4. Don’t forget to think ‘HALT’ to see if you are hungry, angry, lonely or thirsty. Take care of your basic needs first as this might help.
5. Work out what helps you when you feel stressed. This is very personal and someone may need fresh air and exercise, and another person may need to talk it out…and get the feelings of stress out of their body by sharing, deep breathing, crying, journaling or meditating. All of these things have been found to be useful in lowering stress. Maybe check out my ‘wellbeing activities’ blog to see if there is anything you can incorporate into your life to give you a boost and to maintain more of a life-work balance.

Good luck! Prioritise your wellbeing always. You must put yourself first. Focus on calming the mind and finding ways that work for you.

My next blog coming on 3rd November deals with burnout…and is full of extra info for those that have found it very hard to keep on top of their stress levels…

Have a look at these wellbeing-related activities!

I designed this patchwork model of wellbeing activities from my book Supporting Teacher Wellbeing. I wanted it to show just how much of a personal thing wellbeing and so I knew I needed lots of very different ideas of wellbeing activities to appeal to as many people as possible.

Which of these categories stands out as being helpful for you? You may shudder at the thought of some of them. What’s wellbeing for one person, may be torture for another 🙂 (that’s running for me, hate it!).

Can you choose one of these to add to your life to increase your wellbeing!?

It might be something you’ve never considered before.

If you find one you’d like to try, please comment below…and tell me how and why you think it might support your wellbeing.